STOP PLAYING THE COMPARISON GAME

I will do it when I lose some weight and feel better about how I look…

Doing what I do I hear all kinds of things from women. But they all have the same common agenda and tone to them.

What do they all have in common you ask?

Each and every one of them no matter what size they are, 99% of them do not how they look. They all compare themselves to what they see in magazines, on TV and in social media.

Comparison is the thief of joy, you have heard this before, I am sure.

No two people are the same, so stop comparing yourselves to others.

If 7 women, who were the exact same clothing size stood next to each other, they would all look completely different, they would all be the different weights, some would even be taller than others.  This because our body compositions are all different.  Neither weight nor Body Mass Index will tell us anything substantial about body composition and health.

Here are some scary statistics (from Teen Health and the Media):

(https://depts.washington.edu/thmedia/view.cgi?section=bodyimage&page=fastfacts)

1. In a study of 9 and 10-year-olds, 40% of them admitted to trying to lose weight.

2. In a study on fifth graders, 10-year-old girls and boys told researchers they were dissatisfied with their own bodies after watching a music video by Britney Spears or a clip from the TV show “Friends”.

3. One study reports that at age thirteen, 53% of American girls are “unhappy with their bodies.” This grows to 78% by the time girls reach seventeen.

What do these statistics tell me that how we view our bodies starts way too early in life? And it is not just media, it also comes from how parents talk about their bodies in front of their children. Children hear and emulate so much of what their parents say and do.

The above statistics scare the crap out of me and make me so incredibly sad. I just want to hold each and every one of those children’s arms and tell them that life is to short to be at battle with their bodies every day.

Change the dialog inside your home…

Several women I have worked with have said to me as they walked down my studio stairs lined with images of past clients, “she has to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen!  I feel sorry for you that you have to shoot me today when you’ve photographed women that look like her.”.

I have spent 12 years sitting in front of women in the makeup chair, listening to their stories about how they hate themselves and of that night on the bathroom floor.  Sometimes, I have felt like I could hear their hearts breaking all over again as they re-live it.  What I know for sure, is that even the most beautiful, exotic, ‘perfect’ looking women, have all had their night on that floor.

You know, the nights where you literally feel like you are finally going to crack open?  The ones where life has brought you to your knees and you cry because you don’t even know what happens next?

No matter how perfect you think ‘her’ life is, she is just like you—she hurts like you, she bleeds like you. She has felt hopelessly stuck in a job she hates, she has felt lonely, she has been walked away from by a person she gave everything to, she has felt judged, she has felt shame, she has felt crippled by anxiety, she has stood in front of the mirror and hated what she saw, she has wished things were different.  No matter how flat her abs, or how perfect her ass, she puts her pants on just like you do—and she hates the way her jeans fit, too.

There is a better way…

What if I told you there was a better way? You have tried the “I hate myself thing” for far to long, how about we change that script In your head? Lets try accepting and loving yourself, just as you are, RIGHT NOW and see how quickly your life changes.

Living in the comparison game is incredibly dangerous

Living in the comparison game is incredibly dangerous—because it has the power to make you play small.  Before you scroll through my feed, looking at each woman and thinking to yourself, “well, of course she can rock a boudoir shoot, LOOK at her. Her life is perfect…” think again, friend.

And the next time you find yourself on that bathroom floor, cry it out, love.  Give yourself the space to feel those feelings, and know that you aren’t alone.  I’ve been on that floor, too.  We all have.

What color is your tile?